Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
