Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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