9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
