I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
