I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize