Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
