talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
