My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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