Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
