This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
