I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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