she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
