I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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