I am puke
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
