Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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