New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
