you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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