he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
