I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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