i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
only you would photoshop your dick
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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