how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
