WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
