Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
