Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
