I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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