he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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