OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
