the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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