why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
