I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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