i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
