Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
