she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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