I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Randomize
