Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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