You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
