Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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