Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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