my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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