Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
