Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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