this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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