It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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