There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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