my mouth tastes like poor choices
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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