the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
