threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
