Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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