if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
