Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
