now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
