um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
