I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
