a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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