Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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