so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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