I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dear god my vagina.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
